What we take for granted

Its hard to know exactly what you have till its not there for you when you wake up in the morning yea you might complain about never getting any sleep becouse your kids keep you up all night or the person sleeping next to you snores or tosses all night Or you might complain about having to work more than eight hours in a day or have to go in and extra day in the week but no one ready know how they really have  it till you wake up and your surrounded by strangers and in an unkown place not knowing when you wil ever be back to normal if I could I would wake up next to my beautiful wife and best friend Sierra who loves me unconditionally and I do her and see her wonderful smile and get my goodmorning kiss from her  to get me going to a great start and before now niether of us knew what we had till I was gone and my 2 wonderful boys I miss them so much what I would not do to hold halo and sit in my recliner and share my headphones with him and watch youtube and kaidyn I would do anything to hear him scream in the morning and I miss going to see  my huge family all my brothers sisters mom and dad even tho they are extreamly hyper everytime we pull in and its louder in there house than one of my bands rock shows lol I really miss being there  I miss going over to my inlaws as well to eat diner watch the game or a movie and I miss my double date nights with my besties sierra and dan and kels having them over to swim watch movies and cook for us all

And going to the lake with them Just to walk and talk and get out exercise in  I know after this experience I'm going to do my best to never take forgranted what I have again and I strongly encourage you all to do the same cuz one day it might not all be there for you  again love you all and really miss you

Levi

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so yae this is what is up

ok so i have not been on here in a long time i have been so busy getting ready to leave this has been a really hard time for my whole family first this came on a really short notice then i  had to leave for 2 weeks so now i have less than 3 weeks left before i am gone for a whole year and i am just getting to know my youngest son now i gotta leave him halo and sierra and hopefully they all remember me so i am hoping the skype thing works well and no computer issues at all but we will see with my luck anything can happen lol

a few other things have been going on as well i got my hours at best buy cut back to about 14 hours a week so i picked up a second job and yet we still struggle to pay th bills but we scrape by so hopefully this deployment will get us out of the hole and sierra is looking for a job as well so she can help out so it might look up when i am gone

i am hoping to come back home almost debt free with only house related bills left to pay off and maybe go back to school full time if sierra can get this cat job and get my nursing degree

well thats about it for now il be on here some more this week to write some more

over due

Ok everyone i am sorry this is a little late i this past weekend has been so nuts i had drill this weekend and i had a TON!!! of online classes to take i finished  them all Friday and Saturday. Saturday morning i also had a pt test i had to take part in that completely suck it was windy and raining and everyone knows there is nothing like running  in the rain well i did pretty good on everything else but i failed my run by a little bit. So i have been pretty sore lol but anyway this week has been flying by so fast it is making me realize that i do not have much time left at all till i leave and i am not even almost ready there are so many people i have yet to see and SO many things i need to get done it is becoming overwhelming so if you are one that is needing to see me before i leave i am sorry if i have not seen you  yet let me know and i can try to catch you but if not i will see you in about a year or you can follow my blog

getting it going

So i am taking more steps to get my blog out and about and have everybody in the whole world looking at it i finally have a twitter and i linked it to my facebook and also i now have a google+ to so everyone please fallow like and subscribe to them all i will be putting "sweet little nothings" on them from now on and dont forget to share and leave a comment. Also i am going to Change a little bit i am only going to be posting blogs on Sunday, Tuesday and Friday BECAUSE i have a few things i am going to work on i am going to be getting a vlog going just like i had talked about before in a few of my past blogs it is going to be BIG!! i am so excited to get my first one out once that is out and going it will be published and posted every Wednesday to start off then hopefully if i have time expand it to having it out on Wednesday and Saturday but we will find out when i get going lol now and for the big big BIG surprise ha ha but i will not tell until i am ready for it to be out so i hop this keeps you all on your toes but it is going to be an awesome year for Awesome Inc. ( and in case you was all wondering its the company that owns all the rights to my blog i know i know i sold out) and myself even though i am going to be gone this whole year good things are in the happening and i am so excited to share it all with you well that's all for now keep checking back every Sunday Tuesdays and Fridays  to get more updates on the vlog and on the surprise i will talk to yo all later
Guitarfreak

early

so i am up early getting ready for work the family is all still in bed so i am extra quiet not to wake them. I got dressed took the garbage out and cleaned the house a lil bit then i grabbed my computer and got on here just to realize this is not how it will be for much longer i wont be getting up at 8 a.m. to take the garbage to the street or to make breakfast for the family or be getting up to take care of a screaming baby no i will be getting up most likely before sunrise to go run in 100 degree weather at 4 in the morning and work on a helicopter for 12 hours out of the day then go back to my room and go to bed only to wake up and do it all over again.  so i came to the conclusion that it is going to be a long and boring year so i am going to be relying on all my Friends to get skype and talk to me like everyday and those of you that have xboxs should all have live to play halo with me this is what will keep me sain over there i dont know when for sure but i will get 2 week leave to come back home for a little bit but not sure when that will be most likely it will be right around Christmas time so a few people will have awesome presents this year. if you dont get one from me then its because i dont know you.

and i want to let everyone know this is the sight i will talk about everything on i wont be posting everything that happens on facebook il put a few Small things on there but it Will mainly be all on here i will use facebook to keep in touch with my family an friends. all of the photos and movies i take over there will all be posted to this site not facebook so if you want in on the action it will all be on here so make sure you all subscribe and have everyone else as well and leave your comments and questions below. well i will talk to you all later

Guitarfreak

So Beautiful

I think that everyone that lives wants to have the perfect life yet it is just out of there grasp so they think. What everyone fails to realize is that there life is already perfect in its own way you don't need millions of dollars to be happy and you don't need to be tiny and paper thin to be beautiful society has everyone thinking this way i think personally what makes you truly happy is your family around you and having the ones that love you most surrounding you i know i found happiness through my wife and 2 sons nothing makes me happier than seeing my sons smile at me when i go to get them out of bed every morning and hearing my son say "hi Dada " when i walk in the door and he is waving his arms like a crazy person this is what true happiness is to me .

 Now this whole beauty thing is one of the hardest thing to process in my head how people can think that to be beautiful is to not eat for  months and only drink water a 5 ft  6 in woman only weighing 50 lbs is not attractive nor is it healthy and now that society has everyone believing that this is the way to look we have the most depressed youth in this generation than there has ever been in U.S. history suicides have hit record highs within the youth in this generation so why cant we do anything about it ? why cant we have a society that says every one is beautiful in there own way although we fail to see it anymore the most beautiful women out there are not supermodels or actors they are the ones that sit by themselves at the back of the room that no one can see anymore because she is invisible to the society's eyes that are on every ones empty heads anymore so if you have ever been told you are fat just remember you are beautiful God does not create someone or something that is not beautiful.

 The next thing i want to get into will be what people like to call controversial and don't be surprised because i told you all in my first blog that it was definitely coming as you can tell by the pic i have at the top of my post i have a lot of tattoos more than most people every even think about getting i have been called everything in the book i even had some one at walmart once take  a shopping cart and slam it in to me and call me a devil worshiper as she stormed out of the store REALLY is there a need for that tattoos do not make anyone a criminal when you look at someone with tattoos and think that way all that makes you is a major  racist if you re disagreeing with that and i am sure someone that reads this is going to think that because there are a lot of you out there so i am not going to bash your belief on the mater i just want you to take this into consideration what does  racist hate about the person they are racist against? the color of there skin right? yes so why do you hate someone with tattoos? OH MY GOSH its the same stinking reason they have colored skin so you hate them see it is the exact same thing a racism. this pic that i put on here i absolutely love because it is so true if i could find  a doctor that is all sleeved out like this i would love to interview him and get his input on this no i could go on and on and on in the subject of tattoos but i have ran out of time so i will save it for another time to pick back up were i left off so i will ttyl

Guitarfreak

taking it for granted

i was reading a story today  that i found online and it made me realize how much everyone takes the little things in life for granted like relationships and friendships. this is what i read
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…."

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

 

mind reading

"some things you will never forget because of a dramatic event in your life and other things you do not want to forget because you choose to hold on to that memory for dear life because it was a special moment you hold dear to you" lol that is my thought of the day as i am sitting here going through old memories in my head some of witch make me smile and feel good that i still have them others make me sad or depressed but in all reality they all are what have made me who i am today weather it be your first kiss with the one you love or finding out your going to be a dad or mom or something bad like losing a loved one if you take any of them away it changes your whole life drastically if you take away that first kiss you are no longer with the love of your life you are sad and alone i think we all wish we had not have done something in our past but i am not sure of anyone who honestly is completely happy with it every one wants to take a piece out and they never really think if they do they are just altering there life drastically to the point of not knowing who they really are anymore and now that i finally realized it i think i can finally say i am happy with what i am now no matter what anyone has to say about what i have done if only i had really realized this years ago it would have saved me tons of problems in the future and now i can finally let go of any guilt or stress that i had run into and what i have been holding on to for years now i am not saying i will be completely stress free forever but i know that my past that held me down is no longer really a burden but a blissing that's all i have for today so I'm heading to bed

Guitarfreak

going away

Wow I am sitting here watching my son as he plays with his toys talking to himself in his own language and he is just smiling and giggling away and he looks up and smiles at me and he says hi da da and i realize that that it will only be a couple months left before i have to say goodbye to him for a year and i cant help but wonder if he will even remember me when  i get back he is only a 1 year old blonde head blue eyed boy tat wont understand when i tell him goodbye he is just going to look at me and smile and he will just think i will see him later that night like it alway was befor when i would get home from work pick him up give him a kiss and we would sit down in my recliner and he would cuddle up to me and we would get on my computer and watch youtube together or we would watch tv till we fell asleep and we would take a nap for a couple hours i am really hoping he understands why i am leaving and its not forever and he can forgive me when i get back and give me a big kiss when i get back i dunno only time will tell i do know he is going to be sad for awhile when he realizes i am gone. i know i am going to miss walking n the door and hear him sceam da da and calling him buddy

Guitarfreak

my freaking life ha ha

Hey everyone how is it going ? let me guess everyone is wonderful lol well today was just a usual day for me nothing exciting happened no one brought a gun to work unfortunately i someone had i probably would have had them shoot me it was a long strung out day. For those of you that dont know i am a us army vet getting ready to deploy to Kuwait and while i am at home waiting to go i am working at best buy as an autotech pimping cars out. its not the best paying job ever just 10.6 an hour. I cant complain because its still a job and many people a far less fortunate . Although it is a job it is far less than what i was making and now that i have 2 kids to support it gets rough anyway i also work another part time job working for a handyman business doing just about anything from roofing to installing a stove. And now with this deployment coming up i will be working on helicopters for a year i am a UH-60 Blackhawk mechanic and have been for 5 years in the army national guard it is an awesome job i love doing it but sometimes i get sick of doing the one weekend a month thing it gets old i wish sometimes i was just active duty the only thing that keeps me from doing it is friends and family i got back home there are a few i would miss like crazy and would kill me not to see so i am content with staying in good ol IL. well that all that was on my mind for now so I am getting off but i will be back on tomorrow hopefully with a vlog instead lol
Guitarfreak

My day went a lil like this, woke up got my oldest son up held him for a couple hours while watching tv with him, went to work did absolutely nothing all day come home and take a nap with my younger son now i writing on this blog wow what a day it is my life nothing goes on anymore so now i am just hoping to make it rich so i am wondering how should i go about making it rich? i dont think this blog will lol maybe it will make me famous but definitely not rich. I have been trying the music scene it dont pay very well unless you hit it big even tho my band is super awesome we have yet to make  i thought of writing a book i can come up with good ideas but cant really come up with enough words to make it long enough so not even worth reading and i have the worst grammar ever as you will soon if not already tell. so if you you feel like it leave me a comment letting me know what you think i should try i might actually try some of them. so other than that that is all i have to talk about for now sorry it was short but oh well i am just learning lol besides i know i am awesom
Guitarfreak

my first blog oooo i feel special

So i am totally new to this so it will be short. Ok the end lol jk. my name is Levi you can love or or hate me i could care less either way i am going to start this blog and a vlog, i will post a link to it later once it is up and running. I am going to speak my mind in both so if you dont like it dont read or watch it. I am a 22 year old army vet that is getting ready to deploy to Kuwait so this blog is mainly for my friends and family back home. some things i post will be very controversial but feel free for argumentative comments and constructive criticism please keep it clean thank you. Next i would like to ask all of you who see this to send me what yu would like me to talk about either via my blog or vlog i am open to any ideas so msg me on here so any way it is getting late and i have to work tomorrow so il end this before it gets boring but i will be on tomorrow to do some more and work on getting my vlog going

. peace out and dont die on me
Guitarfreak